Girl Troubles
by Neon Renaissance
Summary: Tamaki has united with several bishounen to kidnap Hinata Hyuuga, ladies man #1! Armed with grenade launchers, automatics, a few can of Tear gas can the rag-tag mercenary wannabe's learn how to attract women from the finest there is?
1. Chapter 1: MISSION BEGIN!

Disclaimer: I do not own either show.

* * *

The car raced through the track, taking sharp angles and almost impossible turns at irregular interval. The crowd was cheering, the fans going so far as to right the racers' names on their body parts.

In short, the fans were crazy.

One name rang out in particular; Hinata Hyuuga.

He was a favorite among the fans, especially the women. That's right, he was a bishounen.

The car, a NASCAR with different logos plastered on it, zoomed through the lap, the only one on the last round.

The others were losers compared to him.

He held a slushy to his mouth, taking a slurp from it.

If slurps were attractive, then his were damn gorgeous.

As he cleared the finish line, eliciting loud cheers from the audience, his car lost control and swerved to the side, flipping so many times the scoreboard lost count. Even his car crash was hot.

Several fan girls fainted around the world, due to their 'future husband' crashing.

As the car stopped, a fire rose around it, more fan girls fainting for their 'Hinata-kun!'

A red headed girl in particular ripped off her shirt, exposing a very detailed tattoo of said Hinata-kun's face, down to the shine of his glasses.

The fans watched in anticipation and dread as his crew ran over to the wreckage, some very dramatic fans crying.

And as if in slow motion, the drivers door was kicked open, and he stepped out.

It was as if an angel itself had arrived. He took off his helmet, his hair flipping off his face. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, white eyes glinting in the fire. His indigo hair shone in the night sky, as he stood with his helmet tucked under one arm. And as Lonely Island would sing; this cool guy walked away from and explosion.

Cue major nosebleed and squealing fan girls.

Red head and several of her cronies jumped over the barrier, ploughed through the security and clumped him, rubbing themselves against his body.

That could be described as rape.

"Oh, Hinata-kun! We LOVE you!"

"Yeah, we need you!"

"Don't scare us like that again!"

"Be with us, Hinata-kun!"

"Marry me!"

"Be my baby's daddy, Hinata-kun!"

"I don't care, just have your way with me, Hinata-kun!"

"Hey, bitch, he's mine!"

"Girl, you be tripping! He's mine!"

"No, he's mine!"

"Your all crazy, he of course is mine!"

"Tell it like it is!"

A fight broke out at this point, two who- I mean girls punching each other and blocking hits.

Jet Lee would be proud.

"Ladies. We can all be friends. Its good to meet people, oui?" His french accent rang out, although quiet, and immediately the two wrestl- I mean girls stopped fighting to look at the smiling teen. He was then surrounded again and bestowed with kisses, hugs, flowers, declarations of love, underwear, and a clump of hair.

Raise an eyebrow to the last one.

The wrestlers had smiled at him, with bloody mouths, and asked him to marry them.

They were carried away by security. How reliable is security?

He proceeded to smile shyly and take pictures with the demanding she-beas- I mean fans. Yes, fans.

* * *

"Do you see THAT, Shiro?! That's how we can get girls! All we need to do is kidnap the dude, and force him to join our band! Ha! Haha! Hahahahahaha! C'est tres magnifigue!"

Everyone present in the room at that moment began to sweat drop, looking at the blond haired male in exasperation.

"Yes, good idea, Tamaki. We just dress up like commandos and infiltrate his house, which we happen to not know the location of. Then, we force him to join our band and tell us what product he uses to make his hair glossy. Yeah, that would work."

"Tamaki, Alois is right. We can't just kidnap the guy. We need his address first!"

"No! Toru, don't encourage him!"

"Alois! Shut up! We need girls, and this guy can help us get them!"

"Hai! Toru is right!"

"Agh, who invited Daryl?"

They all turned to stare at the boy who sat on the couch.

"Oi, Hippo, get him out!"

The young boy jogged into the room and proceeded to attempt to carry the sweat dropping boy who glared at the other members of the room.

"I have gear." He stated simply.

"Hippo, leave him!" Tamaki yelled out. The strangely named boy proceeded to retreat from the room.

"So, what time are we doing this?"

"We strike at midnight!"

"Shiro, we have school tomorrow."

"So nine pm it is!"

"Eh, that could work."

"Yeah, so we meet here in assassin attire and get ready to kidnap the guy!"

"Alois, you are the strategist! Toru, you are in charge of transport! Daryl, gear! Shiro, disguises! Usui, scare him! Len, background tune! Julio, just look pretty! And I will be in charge of leading! Call me BOSS GAMA!"

"Isn't that Naruto's pet frog?"

"No, you have been hanging out with that wannabe for too long, Len! I an BOSS GAMA!"

"Whatever you say, BOSS GAMA!" Alois then proceeded to imitate the 'nice guy pose' Tamaki was striking.

"Oui! Now, here is the address!" Tamaki pulled out a piece of paper that reflected the sun.

Who knew paper could shine?

"Hai, BOSS GAMA!"

* * *

"Which fool invited Rin Okumura?!"

"Ah, Tamaki, you did."

"Oh yeah! Hey Rin!"

"What do you want?"

"Come on buddy!"

"He wants you to help us break into that apartment!"

Toru then pointed to a window on the tenth floor.

"Yeah! You can help us, right?"

"Hn. Let's go!"

Thus, the group of teenage boys dressed like commandos infiltrated (used the main entrance) the building and scaled the walls (used the elevator) and huddled at the appointed door.

* * *

Hinata sighed, putting his glasses on the bathroom counter. Those girls were really crazy. His underwear was almost taken!

Security was unreliable.

The steam from the hot water had began to fog up the bathroom. He poked the cast encasing his left arm. It was a stark white, and looked at home on his pale skin. He moved to take off his clothes and step into the shower.

* * *

"Yata-chan, are you in position?"

"Yeah, but how the fuck did I end up here?!"

"Ah, ask Rin."

"Oi, Rin! Why the fuc-"

"Yata-san, get ready! NOW!"

"Hai!"

He launched off the opposite buildings roof, and crashed through the (open) window of Hinata's apartment, just as everyone else dramatically entered from the front door. There was smoke, lasers, a grenade launcher, tear gas and a cat.

After the gas cleared, the cluster of boys impersonating mercenaries stuck dramatic poses, each with a weapon, and faced it to the center of the room, where a dissorrientated cat lay.

"Agh, all that work for nothing?!"

"I missed my stories for this! Pablo was finally going to propose to Adelina, but he was still married to Rochel, who was back from the dead!"

"Are you shitting me?! Fuck this guy, I'm going home!"

"Yeah! Wait for me, Misaki!"

"Don't call me that you bastard!"

"Calm down guys!"

"Rochel! Tell him how you feel!"

"My gun is automatic."

"Shut up, Len!"

"Misaki!"

"Fuck you!"

"Oh, hey Alois!"

"Ah, who are you guys?"

Everyone fell silent at the voice of the newcomer. In true anime fashion, they turned their heads slowly turned to the doorway with steam coming out of it. And there, standing with a towel ruffling its hair, and a toothbrush in its mouth, was a..

A g-g-g...

"A girl?"

Clad in a short towel, the girl nodded her head at Tamaki, who just stared dumbfounded, as were the rest of the commandos.

"So, wh-who are you?" A feint blush appeared on her cheeks as she faced the staring boys, who had littered her living room. She put the glasses back on her face and pushed them up slowly, unintentionally flipping her hair in a very boyish manner.

"Wait! Are you Hinata Hyuuga?!"

Tamaki was the first to snap out of it, pointing at the girl in question.

"Ah, yes. That is my name."

"But, we thought you were a dude!" This time it was Alois to speak.

"Yeah. Why do girls like you so much?"

That was Toru.

"Are you gay?" Usui asked, slightly dettered that the fine specimen of a girl was not straight.

"And you look like a dude!" This was Julio.

"Ah, yeah. Would you guys like anything to drink?"

* * *

A/N: so, how was it?! I'm back with a new TamaHina! Please, I beg of you, review. They make me happy! The next chapter will be out A.S.A.P!


	2. Chapter 2: I'm so fresh

"When I first saw you people I thought you were idiots. Now I know you are the BIGGEST IDIOTS to ever walk the face of the earth. And not just that, you make idiocy look good! You disgrace people known as idiots! Just do what's best for the world and shoo-"

"Hey, Usui, don't you think she should be doing the complaining?"

"Shut up, Toru!"

"Fuck all of you! We need to get away! Like, right now?!"

"Misaki! Teach me to ride a skateboard!"

"Fuck off, Daryl!"

"Tamaki, drive faster!"

"I told you, I am BOSS GAMA! Call me BOSS GAMA!"

"Ah, I am surrounded by idiots."

"No one asked you, RIN!"

The aloof neon van cruised through the empty streets at a pace of fifty kilometers per hour, the giant sign 'KIDNAPPING MOBILE' flashing in the streets.

"Ah, guys?"

"Yes, sexy thang?"

"Non, you will not get girls by saying that. As I was saying, can we stop for take away? I haven't eaten yet. I shall pay, oui?"

"Hell yeah! This is what I am talking about! Boss Gama, to Burger King!"

"Yeah!"

"Misaki!"

"Fuck you!"

"I'm missing my stories here!"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Usui, enough of the scaring!"

"Rin, does your sword always glow?"

"Alois is cute."

They all shut up and turned to face the cross dresser in a snazzy suit that had a price tag of a number they couldn't count to. Even Tamaki turned to face her, running over a few animals and a lady crossing the street in the process.

"What?!" They all chorused, jealousy ringing out in their voices.

Hinata merely had a thoughtful expression on her face, an elegant finger tapping at her immaculate chin.

"He is cute. Have you seen his face?"

She then proceeded to pinch his cheeks, then pull the boy to her body, cuddling him tightly.

"So cute." She murmured in a monotone voice.

"Well, to BURGER KING!"

"This is a lot of food."

"Yeah! How do you expect all of us to finish this?!"

"Silence. I have to make a phone call."

"Sexy thaaaaannnnngggg?!"

"What, you imbecile?"

"Do you think I have a chance?"

The blushing Usui was then wacked in the face by a beach slipper.

The snazzy dresser then proceeded to make a call on his snazzy phone, cursing in some snazzy sounding language. Even her ring tone was snazzy.

She answered the phone, her eye twitching slightly as a voice rang through.

"Bitch! Where have you been, you shit? We fucking missed the hell out of you!"

"Merde. Hidan, put Uchiha on the phone."

"Whatever you say, hoe!"

The bass in the background mixed with loud voices did not phase her, she merely raised an eyebrow at the Jashinists idiocy.

"Hinata."

The velvety malsculine voice of the original duck-butt stud-muffin slipped out clearly, causing the militia fools to crowd around the Hyuuga to listen.

"Non. Hugh Hefner. Of course it is me. Now, lock on to my location and get your duck-butt head over here. Round up the boys too. I'm giving you ten minutes."

"Your mother."

"She was a hoe. Thank you, ass head."

"Tch."

She cut the call and stuffed the phone back onto her pocket, turning to face the mercenaries with a flip of her gorgeous hair.

"They will be here to help you embarrassments soon. Get your wannabe asses ready."

They were all speechless as the french man woman turned to elegantly take a seat, her masculine aroma that screamed 'better than you' wafting through the air.

"So? Change. Now."

They all ran from the room into the bedrooms to look for clothes that would make them look less pathetic in hopes of pleasing the bipolar she man in the living room.

"Oi! Hinata you bish! Open the bleeping door!"

"Your mom."

"Hidan, shut the hell up. Yeah!"

"Your father!"

"I never knew my father!"

"Good for him!"

"Morons."

"At least I wasn't butt raped by my uncle!"

"Your mom!"

"She was a hoe!"

Hinata paced slowly to apartment door with an irritated look on her face, stepping back when she opened it and two immaculately dressed guys fell in strangling each other. She nodded as the other stud muffins walked into the apartment stepping on the two on the ground.

They walked in a swag line to stand in front of the awaiting losers, their poses screaming; 'my shoes are worth your college tuition fees.'

Hinata walked to stand in front of the snazzy teenagers, hands in pockets, head tilted to an angle.

"Listen up, losers. We will give you one week to learn, oui. We shall do it for free as you are pathetic and we pity you. Do anything stupid and I will shoot you myself."

"Oh fuck! She's not kidding! This is sooo hot!"

"As I was saying. These two idiots are Hidan and Deidara. The others are Sasori and Kakuzu. You will meet the rest tomorrow."

A cross-legged Usui raised his hand with eager stars in his eyes.

"Ugh. You. What do you what now?"

"Do we get any rewards if we behave properly?"

He wagged his eyebrows suggestively as the pissed of cross dresser gained a new ticking vein on her cheek.

"Meinu. Any more questions?"

All of them raised their arms with excited expressions on their faces.

"That won't get you shot?"

They all put their hands down in a dejected manner.

"Good. All of you report here at 05:00 tomorrow except for Alois. He is cute, so he can come anytime he wants."

They all groaned aloud and immediately shut up when a blade suddenly glinted in Hinata's hand. They gulped in fear and slowly backed away from the crazed female as she walked to the door with the snazzy dressers. They all breathed relieved sighs when they heard the door shut elegantly.

Rin turned to Tamaki with murderous intent rolling off of him in waves.

"This is your fault. I could have been sleeping by now, but NOOOOO, you just have to want to look cool! Have you seen that chick?! Yeah, she's hot as hell, but she's kinda crazy! Did you see that dagger?! She presharpened it!"

"Eh, I'm not complaining."

"That's because she likes you!"

"Yeah! Let's get him!"

"Hell yeah! Fuck this guy!"

They all approached the trembling Alois with twitches and murderous looks in their eyes.

At the sound of ABBA's Disco Queen they all stopped and turned to face the retreating Tamaki.

"Oh, I got a text!"

"Well, what does it say?"

His faced instantly paled as he read the text.

"Ah, guys, I think you should leave Alois alone."

"Why the hell would we do that?!"

"Because of this..."

He shoved the phone in their faces, the picture there making them freeze in horror.

A/N: yeah, yeah. Short, I know. Forgive, oh wonderful viewers! To come in later chappies:

Guest characters, hammer pants, leather jackets, desert eagles, belly shirts, and weed!

Please review.

Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3: I'll kick your puppies

"That... Is the most horrendous thing I have ever seen in my life! Fucking put it away!"

"What is that supposed to be?!"

"I can't see!"

"Ah, sorry, wrong text. That's my ex girlfriend."

"Oh! That explains everything!"

"Hey!"

"So, what's the text?"

"Ah, this!"

He held the phone up to the expecting teens as a picture of a wolf with meat and a hand sticking from its mouth appeared.

The caption read:

'WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TOUCH ALOIS'

"Oh. Don't touch Alois, guys."

"We better get to sleep. Its only five hours until five. Good night."

"Whatever."

"Where the hell are my blunts?"

"I saw Hinata walking out with a round white thingy!"

"Who asked you, Hippo?!"

"You don't have to be mean, Yata-chan!"

"Fuck this guy! I'm going to sleep!"

"Who's holding you!"

"Agh."

It was a lovely five o'clock. The birds were sleeping, the sun was not rising, and the trumpet was blown in a military-esque manner to wake up the drooling losers of Kagawa Strt.

"Ahg! Five more minutes!"

"Who the fuck is that?!"

"Your mom."

"Oh hell nah!"

"Oui! Wake the fuck up, losers! You have to be at school early!"

"Whahahahayyyyy?!"

"Are you questioning my superior intellect and good looks? I am french, thus I understand these things! Now, get your lazy asses out of bed before I come in there!"

"Oh fuck! Why mmmmeeeee?!"

"Five!"

"Fuck, she's counting down!"

"Four!"

"Help!"

"Three!"

"Oh hell nah!"

"Two!"

"Let's get out of here!"

"One!"

"Hahahahaha take that bishes!"

"Who the hell are you calling a bish?"

The dancing Misaki turned to face two very intimidating guys who had swords in their hands.

"Ha ha haha? No one..."

"Good. I am Renji and this is Byakuya, the GREATEST FRIEND EVER!"

"I don't like you..."

"Aww, you don't really mean that, Byakuya!"

"Oh, I mean it. I don't like you. I am only doing this for Hinata-san, but she just had to stick me with you."

"Ah, where's Hinata"

The bickering two turned to the inquiring teenage boys.

"As you can see, she's not here."

"This sucks. I was looking forward to gazing at her beautiful face!" Usui sighed dreamily.

"Agh. Who is Alois?"

"Ah, m-me?" The frightened Alois murmured.

A big smile lit up Renji's face as he ran towards Alois, pulling him in to a bear hug and waving him around until his eyes got swirly.

"That's enough Renji."

"Awww! Hinata was right! The little guy is adorable!"

"...yeah, he kinda is."

"But what about me!" Tamaki aka BOSS GAMA yelled.

"... Your hair is too yellow."

A deflated Tamaki sank to the ground in defeat."

"Have fun walking to school. Alois, let's go."

The two kendo champions and little cute blond boy walked toward a shiny white and black bugati that no one had noticed until they walked around the reversing bulldozer that they had also not noticed.

"Wait! What about us!"

"As Renji said, have fun walking."

"This is fucked up."

"Agh. They couldn't have even let us use the train."

"At least Alois is having fun"

"Did you see the way they rolled out! That bass was loud! And when did swerving become legal?"

"Ah, always?"

'Fuck you, Daryl!"

"I like walking! I will do anything for miss Hinata-hime!"

"Get your own girl, Yashiro!"

"Now now, Usui! We all know she would choose me!"

"I will kill you, Yashiro."

"Go ahead! I am the Immortal King! Hah, bish, take that!"

They said my hair is too yellow..." A depressed Tamaki droned on.

"I missed Rochel bitch-slapping Miranda for this?!"

"But Hinata-san and her friends are really cool..."

"Hell yeah! Did you see that suit!"

"And she gets more girls than us!"

"Yeah. We kinda suck."

"Speak for yourself, asshole!"

"Oh, we're almost there."

The bickering teens turned to see the gates of the school, creepy smiles lighting up their faces.

"Hell yeah! We finally made it!"

Misaki pumped his fist in the air, hitting a few people with his skateboard.

"Ah, where's Rin?"

"That fucker left with those sword guys!"

"Yeah, look at the picture he put as his bbm display picture!"

Yata-chan held his phone up to show a picture if Rin, Byakuya, Renji and Alois blowing smoke from their noses.

"That son-of-a-chienne mother fucker."

"Tamaki! Mind your language!"

"No! Swear the bitches!"

"I will destroy that group of good looking bishes."

At that moment Lady Gaga began to sing.

"What the hell is that?"

"Hee hee... That's my ring tone."

Tamaki picked up his call and answered with a self assured 'bonjour'.

"Who the bloody hell are you calling bishes?"

"N-no o-o-one! I swear!"

"I will make you pay. Then I will kick your puppies, got that?"

"I-I'm so sorry!"

"I see you."

The line abruptly cut as Tamaki gulped and shivered in fright.

"Who the fuck was that?"

"He threatened to kick my puppies. Why would he do that?"

"Agh. Asshole, you don't have puppies."

"Oh yeah! I don't have puppies! Take that puppy kicking bish!"

Just then an arrow landed on the wall a centimeter from Tamaki's head. Ot had a note tied to it that was taken down and read.

"Ah, this is hilarious!"

"Bwahahahaha!"

"Pwehehehehehehehehe!"

"Oh hell nah! How did they get this picture?!"

"Bwahahahahahahaha!"

On the picture was a ten year old Tamaki in a dress with lipstick on kissing a dog.

"Oh hell yeah!"

"Hahahahahahaha! This haha is the most bwahahaha funniest pwehehe thing I have ever seen!"

"Oh! Hey shadow sneaky arrow guy, do you have more?!"

"Bwahahahahahaha!"

"How the hell did they find it?! Seriously! I burnt all the copies in existence!"

"Pwehahahahaha!"

Another arrow landed, this time with another note.

"Bitch. Looks like you didn't get all of them!"

"Gahahahahahaha!"

"Will you guys stop laughing?"

"Bitch please! This is comedy gold!"

"Hohaheeho hahahahah!"

A tick formed on the too blond haired boys cheek as he took the picture from a laughing Misaki who was rolling on the ground with tears flowing from his eyes in laughter.

"Oh this is too rich!"

"You know what, fuck you guys. I'm going to school.

Thus, this leaves us with laughing teenagers, an angry Tamaki walking way, a mystery puppy kicker, and a high Alois.


End file.
